I deserve the best and I accept the best now

This is the affirmation that fell out as I shuffled my Power Thoughts deck recently, asking what I needed to know at the time. It’s been on my mind since then, even more so as the protests and demonstrations sparked by George Floyd’s death continue.

We have fellow Americans who are demanding the best for themselves, to be treated equally. With the spotlight on racial inequality now, what we’ve been pushing down throughout our history (and even in the present) has bubbled up again to the surface. It’s created a huge momentum for change.

So now we’re talking about racial inequality more, listening to each other more. Parts of our government are taking legislative action to reform systems in our country. Businesses and organizations are making reforms. All of this is good. We need collective action, as communities, as a country, as the world. These are things outside ourselves.

There’s another system that runs within. It’s our individual belief system – and self-worth is an important piece of it. It also needs to be examined and transformed if we’re really going to bring this all together and make a profound change.

With laws in place, with our Declaration of Independence declaring all have unalienable rights including life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, if people don’t believe that everyone is equal, if they believe that there are differences in race, heritage, gender, etc., and disregard the law, they throw a wrench in it. They may twist, bend or sidestep it to accommodate their beliefs. The laws and framework are there, but it’s the people we interact with every day that make the most immediate impact. It’s the landlords, the managers, the job interviewer, the banker, the teacher, the doctor, the police, the judge, colleagues, the store clerk, etc. We’ve already seen this happen. It’s still happening now. So while collective action and change on community, national and world levels is vital, it’s also important to take action and look within ourselves. Because if you don’t recognize your own self-worth or devalue yourself, you will do the same with others.

Self-worth is part of the foundation of how we see and think of ourselves. It plays a big part in how we treat ourselves. It’s not a dollar amount, how much money you have or how much stuff you have. It’s a knowing within you, you are worth the sun, the moon, the stars… everything. It’s your divine right. You are worthy of everything and anything simply because you exist. And you don’t have to do anything special to prove you deserve it all. You just have to be you. There’s no test to take, no deed to do, no ID required. There’s no sliding scale based on how many good things you have or haven’t done. You came into this lifetime with it and you will leave with it. The question is, do you know this? Do you accept this? Do you live this truth?

When you understand and live your self-worth, you don’t mess around with people, things, relationships and situations that drain you of your time, energy, finances and/or focus. You have healthy boundaries and stand up for yourself. You understand that you are more than just your physical body. You are a divine, powerful being and you live that truth. You nurture the light within you and allow it to radiate out from you.

I’ve found that understanding your self-worth is like peeling an onion. There are layers to it. For me, I first had to accept that I deserve the best. Part of that acceptance was understanding I am a forever being, a powerful, beautiful and creative soul. Then I had to look at the ways in which I devalue myself. That meant examining ideas and beliefs that I learned along the way from family, friends, church, society, experiences, etc. Then letting go of what never resonated with me or no longer does. And that can be hard, because some of the beliefs are so ingrained, so much a part of you that you aren’t even aware of them. You feel them though. They feel restrictive, confining, frustrating. They’re the voice in your head that talks you out of things, that makes you doubt yourself. They’re the reason you give up on your dreams. They’re what keep you seeing yourself as a chicken, when you could be soaring with the eagles… because you are an eagle. When you start asking “Why not? Why can’t I do this?”, you know you’re bumping into old beliefs.

What can you do to increase your self-worth? It’s an inside job. And it’s intertwined with self-love. It’s things that help you to feel better on some level, to stand a little taller, to hold your head up high. It’s confidence, not cockiness. Some of the things I’ve worked on and done are:

• Physical wellbeing – including eating healthier, eating cleaner, exercising, getting enough sleep, listening to my body, taking time for self-care
• Emotional wellbeing – acknowledging how I feel and allowing myself to feel it; expressing my emotions instead of bottling them up, numbing them or shoving them down; not being afraid to show emotions in public; checking in with how I feel
• Mental wellbeing – allowing myself downtime and giving my brain a rest; doing creative things (also an emotional thing); having quiet time
• Spiritual wellbeing – having quiet time and going within; nurturing my connection with Spirit; spending time outside in Mother Earth and Mother Nature energy; doing energy work to keep my space clear and release old energy
• Being aware of the words I use and my thoughts about myself
• Setting healthy boundaries and knowing it’s ok to say no
• Allowing myself to dream big and take steps towards those dreams, knowing that anything is possible
• Acknowledging when I’ve gotten myself into a comfortable hell or become complacent, then taking steps to change
• Accepting myself and loving myself as I am
• Reminding myself that I always have a choice to feel better
• Stop accepting less than what I want or compromising on important, non-negotiable things for myself
• Having standards for myself, including who is in my life, and not tolerating hate, disrespect or abuse of any kind
• Remembering that life is a journey, to enjoy the ride and stop and smell the roses

I didn’t do this all in one day. This has been many steps over the last 7 years. And as gung-ho as I am about moving forward, sometimes it felt like I took steps backwards. But anytime you want to make a change, there’s a back and forth until you finally settle into the new and stay there. So I remind myself of that and have patience and compassion with myself.

Are you wondering how all this inner work helps with the changes going on in the world right now? When you understand your self-worth, you also understand and recognize the self-worth of others. You are aren’t willing to put up with or turn a blind eye to someone else being harassed, discriminated against or treated unjustly. You aren’t willing to put up with or be part of a system that is supposed to be equal for all, but isn’t. You expect and demand change that is fair and just for all. You also help plant seeds for those who aren’t as aware of their self-worth yet. You lead by example. If they’re ready, you might be the spark that helps them be more aware.

History has already shown us time and again, when inequality or injustice starts with one, we are all susceptible. One day it’s “them”, tomorrow it could just as easily be you too. Now, not everyone may understand or embrace their self-worth. They may still hold on to prejudice and racism. We all have free will and can believe or think what we want. We’re all at different places within ourselves. Have compassion (not pity, it’s a different energy) for people who aren’t aware yet or are on their way. But don’t let them distract you. Don’t dim your own light because they aren’t letting theirs shine as brightly.

The momentum for positive change is here and a lot of people are rolling up their sleeves, ready to see it through, ready for something better for all. Coming together to make reforms and improvements is necessary, but let’s also remember the importance of individual transformation. What you are within, you radiate out into the world. As more people understand and live their self-worth, it adds to the collective and everyone gets uplifted. Things can only keep getting better from there!