In my last post, I shared how it is possible to heal a relationship with someone after they have passed away. Click here to read that post. Today I’d like to share something that Spirit has offered when someone is asking about a loved one who has passed. Many people want to know if their loved ones are ok and how to communicate with them. I’ve also had a number of readings with people who are having a hard time moving past the grieving process. The death of a loved one is an emotional experience for those that are still here. Hopefully, the info I’m about to share will help make that experience a little less painful.

This is how Spirit explained the concept of death. Remember learning about water in science class? Its form can change – solid, liquid, gas – but its composition always stays the same. It’s always H20. The same with us. We are eternal beings made of energy. Our composition, who we essentially are, never changes, but we can change forms – be in a body or not in a body. So while a person may no longer be here with you in their body and you can’t do things with them in the same way, they are still around you, just in a different form – in spirit. I know it’s not the same as having them here physically, but hopefully it brings some comfort to know that they are still with you and only a thought away (more on that later).

After going through my training and my own experience with my dad, I had a clearer picture of what happens when we leave our bodies. It has changed my perspective on life and even influences the words I use to describe it. I don’t use the word death or say someone died anymore because I know they really haven’t. Instead, the words transition, passed on, passed away or left their body seem like a better way to describe the process of us changing form.

Is my loved one ok? Most of the time, when I have connected with someone who has passed, they have already crossed over into the light (my way of saying Heaven or they are with God). Once they are there, they are fine and their energy feels so vibrant to me. There is no need to worry or be concerned about them. In fact, I find that they are usually more concerned about their loved ones still here. Especially if you are having a hard time with their passing. Many times we hold on to some regret or guilt – I never told them how much I cared, or the last time I saw them we had a fight. Now that your loved one is in the light, they are not holding a grudge, mad or disappointed with you. It’s actually the opposite. They are in a space of unconditional love now and see from that perspective. There’s no judgment of what you did or didn’t do while they were alive, only compassion and love. If you are holding on to any regret or guilt, let it go. It will only weigh you down and could hold you in the grieving process longer.

Sometimes I do connect with someone who has not crossed over yet. My great aunt hung around as a ghost (that is what I call people who have not yet crossed into the light) until just after her memorial service. My experience is that they are curious about their funeral and/or want to make sure their loved ones here are ok during that time. Then they go on their merry way into the light. I’ve also seen people who don’t cross over because a person close to them cannot emotionally let them go. I’m still not quite sure why this happens. We all have free will, so they should be able to cross over when they like. When I tried to connect with one of these people, I had a difficult time. It was like they were really far away and their energy was low.

How do you communicate with someone who has passed? There are many ways! You can still talk to them, either out loud or in your head. Spirit doesn’t actually use words, they use thought language to communicate. So if you’re focused on something else and your loved one pops into your mind, chances are they are letting you know they are around you. The simple act of remembering them – in any form of words, thoughts or actions – connects you with them. Whatever you have to say, whatever you are feeling, it’s ok to express it to them. We tend to think that because they have passed away we shouldn’t yell at them if we feel angry with them or want to express something that isn’t very loving. Throw that belief out the window! I yelled at my dad quite a few times after he passed. As time went on and I let the anger out, there was less. Eventually I was able to laugh more with him and be at peace within myself with him. They can hear you, no matter where they are, whether they are in the light or not. I have a saying adapted from the move Field of Dreams… talk about them and they will come. It’s not only healing for you, but can also help you feel like they’re still a part of your life.

For anyone that is having a hard time getting through the grieving process, I recently heard something in a presentation by Louis Hay that made a lot of sense. It takes a full year to grieve. You have to go through all the seasons. My sense of it is that you have to experience all the holidays, all the things you did together at certain times without them physically there before it really sinks in. When you’re ready, it’s ok to move on in your life. Many times, that is the message from a loved one who has passed. It hurts them to see you hurting so much for so long. We all go through the grieving process, that is natural. How you go through it and for how long differs for each person. There are no rules. What your loved one wants for you though is to continue living, experiencing life to the fullest! It doesn’t mean that you are forgetting them. They will always be in your heart and are with you as you continue your journey here.